Dumbells of Business

About Dumbells of Business

Out among the gnarled oaks of Squirrel Cove there buzzed a busy manufacturing plant.

It had been established since Time wore a bib, and, as far back as History could recall, had been handed down from Whiskers to Whiskers without a break.

The same old Superintendent with his chew of Fine Cut tucked away in a back-cavity, was always on hand each generation to bury the father and drill the son into the mysteries of Production and Distribution. Old Faithful used to love to take off his beaver cap and stroke the top of his glazed Summit while he told some eager visitor all about the industrial heirloom and his long and watchful connection with it.

In the course of centuries the Concern had of course worked up some business around the County, but at no time did there ever occur what you would call a Sensational Increase in trade. In fact, careful scrutiny revealed nothing[2] in the whole town that could be associated with a sensation of any kind.

The annual output of the particular Hive of Industry under discussion went wholly to Old Customers who had been buying regularly since Washington hurdled the Delaware. If any attempt was ever made to get New Business it was altogether an unconscious act, and no record of the perpetrator remains.

At the time of which we are now yodeling, the current Owner and Proprietor was closing in on his sixty-fifth Milestone, and, like his father and grandfather before him, he believed in letting Well Enough alone until it crawled up and bit him in the leg. Then he would roll over on the other side.

Contents

The Plant Cured of Mossbackitis
The Lurid Lot of the Leaker
The Self Abnegationist And His Finish
The Bird Who Berated Business Assn’s
The Advertising Genius of Squirrelville
The Salesman Who Became Buyer
The Pampered Dealer
The Efficiency Expert
The Road Rat Who Gave Up Home Comforts
The Man Who Organized Manufacturers
The Perpetual Planner
The Twin-Six Philanthropist
The Yob Who Let Business Slide
The Would-Be Sales Promoter
The Young Satellites of Stallville
The Benedict Who Wisdomed-Up
The Business Baggers of Punkton
The Picayune Planet
The Passing of the Buck Passer
The Executive With The Clerk’s Mind
The War Winning Patrioteer
Typical American And Critical American
When Mental Leech Meets Mental Leech
The Export Group Grafter


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