Ugh Fine

What is a gratitude list? A gratitude list is a daily habit of writing down things you're thankful for. That’s it. Apparently it’s helpful. Here’s how this app works: List out five things every day that stir up some gratitude in you. The list automatically clears at midnight. Next day, make a new list. Tap an entry to edit it. Tap “get some perspective” to get a dose. Change modes based on your mood. That’s it. The Not Short: Gratitude lists work. It’s annoying, but they do. And the person who suggested that you keep a gratitude list, well they probably love you, which might also be annoying, but they do. I kind of hate gratitude lists. Maybe everyone does, and everyone really hates the person that asks them, “Do you keep a gratitude list?” Oh go step on a Lego. So here’s the story: I’ve been sober for a bit and go to weekly AA meetings. On the days that I don’t want anything to do with sobriety or people as a whole, that’s when I really need to go to a meeting. If I don’t want to go it usually means I’m depressed or angry or definitely both. And so I go and I’m in a mood and I can’t hide it at all even though I try. Maybe the tears in my eyes are the giveaway. Hard to say. Anyway a pal of mine at the meeting sees me, hugs me and asks, “Are you keeping a gratitude list?” and I look at him and say “No you dummy of course I’m not. Do I look like a man who is keeping a gratitude list?” Another hug. I consider kneeing him in the groin. “Ugh, fine, I’ll do it.” I start to keep a list. The first couple days are in protest as I continue to feel that nothing in the universe matters. My lists mirror that feeling. 1. runaway shopping carts that hit other people’s cars 2. the free theater of watching a couple argue in public 3. the contempt in the eyes people who have been waiting in line for 20 minutes to get into the pool as the boys and I breeze through because we have memberships 4. that front yard over on Euclid Ave that is wildly overgrown and weedy as hell, surrounded by all those stuffy manicured lawns 5. darkness Over time the fog starts to lift. That’s how it works. My lists begin to get a little saccharine. Sunshine and a smile from a lady at Trader Joe’s, that kind of thing. I write down my lists on scrap pieces of paper and carry them around for the day. The next day I throw the previous day’s list away and make a new list. I made Ugh Fine from that daily practice. The lists are not saved. No login or password. No newsletter. None of your data is collected or sold. No ads. No in-app purchases. I’m bad at making money. The app itself has no payoff. The payoff comes from you doing the work, which shows up unannounced six months after you’ve been keeping lists. The hope is that you’ll look back and see that there’s been a little more peace in the daily, a little less anxiety, a little more acceptance. I can’t verify any of the “facts” in the perspectives pop-up window. They are all probably true-ish, but don’t take them or anything too seriously. Ugh Fine is not associated in any way with Alcoholics Anonymous or any other recovery program; it’s barely associated with me. If you like it then it’s definitely associated with me. If you don’t like it then it’s 100% associated with my AA pal who incessantly asks, “Are you keeping a gratitude list?” If you want to see my work you can do so at joshualongbrake.com. If this app is buggy at all you can email at [email protected]. If you have a complaint then meet me at my AA meeting on Monday and I’ll point out the guy who is responsible for this mess who is definitely not me. Ok thanks and good luck to you.