Maim Street

Prepare for the Dark Souls of crossing guard simulators. You are a crossing guard helping people cross the street! But there are too many cars. Like, WAY too many. Can’t save’m all! Welcome to the world of John Stopman, the busiest civil servant in town. Save as many people as you can, but you might have to shrug off a few fatalities. Maim Street is a frantic game where you learn that you can’t be everything for everyone. Unlock the powerful bazooka to fight back against the cars, and earn prizes to customize your game! Rescue pedestrians to learn secrets about the town while always keeping an eye out for powerups like the mighty Air Strike or the alarming Alien Abduction. Plenty of games reward perfection, this one rewards adequacy. Enjoy! FEATURES • Original soundtrack to groove to while you blow up ambulances. • Over 40 game upgrades, such as confetti explosions and the alluring lumberjack costume. • A character named “Chester Buttmeat” • Brutal sound effects that will make your mother cringe. • In-game powerups ranging from planting bombs to summoning demons. • Dozens of cats. • Over 50 unique pedestrians with their own stories, yet they all seem to explode the same. PRAISE OF MAIM STREET “How this was ever dreamed up. What kind of lives must the creators live.” - Chris D. “I enjoyed the ‘squish’ the people make when they get nailed by a car.” - Jill A. “Chaos and lots of deaths, but the fun kind of death.” - Master M. “A crossing guard with an impossible duty to protect innocent civilians from becoming beautiful explosions of blood and body parts.” - Dana A. “I've never played anything like it before.” - Garrett M. “It gets too hard too fast.” - Coward who doesn’t yet understand real life DISCLAIMER Not recommended for those uncomfortable with coming to grips with the frailty of human existence.