The 5 Love Languages Book

About The 5 Love Languages Book

Chapman is convinced that keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintaining the proper oil level is to an automobile.

When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and they feel secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach their highest potential in life.

Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love.

Giving verbal compliments is one way to express words of affirmation to your spouse. Another dialect is encouraging words.

We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement.

Sometimes our words say one thing, but our tone of voice says another.

We can choose to live today free from the failures of yesterday.

When you make a request of your spouse, you are affirming his or her worth and abilities. You are introducing the element of choice. This is important because we cannot get emotional love by way of demand.

If your mate’s primary love language is quality time, your spouse simply wants you, being with them, spending time.

Spending time with your mate in a common pursuit communicates that you care about each other, that you enjoy being with each other, that you like to do things together.

One of the most common dialects is that of quality conversation. By quality conversation, Chapman means sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.

Words of affirmation focus on what we are saying, whereas quality conversation focuses on what we are hearing.

We must be willing to give advice but only when it is requested and never in a condescending manner.

Ask yourself, “What emotion is my spouse experiencing?” When you think you have the answer, confirm it. For example, “It sounds to me like you are feeling disappointed because I forgot.”

One way to learn new patterns is to establish a daily sharing time in which each of you will talk about three things that happened to you that day and how you feel about them. Chapman calls this the “Minimum Daily Requirement” for a healthy marriage.

The essential ingredients in a quality activity are:

At least one of you wants to do it
The other is willing to do it
Both of you know why you are doing it—to express love by being together.
A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or, “She remembered me.”

Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give if your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts.

By acts of service, Chapman means doing things you know your spouse would like you to do.

Love is a choice and cannot be coerced.

Each of us must decide daily to love or not to love our spouses. If we choose to love, then expressing it in the way in which our spouse requests will make our love most effective emotionally.

People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.

Don’t make the mistake of believing that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring pleasure to her.
fall out of love on the same day. Chapman.
Falling in love is easy. Staying in love—that’s the challenge. How can you keep your relationship fresh and growing amid the demands, conflicts, and just plain boredom of everyday life?

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